Philadelphia Yearly Meeting

of the Religious Society of Friends

Outreach

Crossing the Threshold: Preparing to Welcome Families

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How do meeting communities prepare and engage in active invitation to families and children?

Three sets of needs. When a family walks through the door of a meeting, there are three sets of needs we should be prepared to support: the spiritual formation of their children, the spiritual journey of the adults as individual seekers drawn to Quakerism, and the family unit as they search for a spiritual community for their family to grow and contribute in. Welcoming a new family is the work of the whole meeting — youth religious education, worship and ministry, care of community, etc. Pastoral care for children begins with pastoral care for their parents or primary caregivers, and this care is best served at an intersection of multiple committees and ministries. Along with welcome and inclusion, child safety (which is really community safety) is another place for the meeting community to work together to address resources and practices. When my meeting wrote our child safety policy, the ad hoc committee included members of children’s religious education, worship and ministry, and the meeting clerk, who worked together to bring forward a policy for the whole meeting to approve as a body. There is a powerful message in the shared nature of that work.

Listen. When we welcome a family at the meetinghouse threshold, we need to be prepared to reach out and communicate about what they will find there. We also need to be ready to listen. What is a family looking for in a faith community? What do they want you to know about their children, their hopes and needs? After we listen, are we willing to create flexible structure and routines in programs for families to participate? How can we make space for Friends with a variety of gifts to participate in our spiritual community?

I had a humbling experience that lifted up the need to listen, as well as to share about Quakerism and our meeting: In a year when we had many new attenders, we decided to have a shared lunch to invite them more fully into the life and work of the meeting. We prepared a handout about committees, there was an agenda and program (and childcare and pizza for children!). The program opened with the simple request to go around the room and share what had brought each of us to our meeting? Where were we on our spiritual journey? I thought we would do introductions and then get to the “real work” of sharing about our committees and how newcomers could participate. Ninety minutes or so later, we had gotten around the circle of people present. We didn’t get to anything else we had planned. The real work of that time together was sharing, listening, and gathering as a spiritual community. The time for finding a place for people to serve would happen, but we needed to know each other better, first. Integrating families and other newcomers into the spiritual life of the meeting doesn’t need a committee. It’s just about placing primacy on the spiritual experience of worship, listening deeply to one another, and walking with one another in the travails and celebrations of life. People want to share their stories as they come to walk with us. Are we listening?

The unspoken messages of spaces. When my children were very young, I spent most of hospitality hovering over them on antique horsehair furniture where they balanced with glasses of juice and china plates of cookies. I rarely had an adult conversation of any depth, during a time when wonderful connection can happen — and when I needed it. It finally occurred to me to ask if we could add to the social room a small table and chairs for children. The result was transformative! People who are parents can get their children set up there, and then spend coffee hour talking to other adults. The other happy outcome? Children in fellowship with their peers, knowing one another in community outside of a program or worship. Spaces give unspoken, immediate clues to a new family about how prepared the meeting is to welcome them: is there a place to change a diaper? a booster seat or highchair? a small table and chairs in a fellowship space? Does the worship space have a basket of books, coloring, and other quiet things to support children be settled — and included — in worship? Does the greeter have information about child care and youth religious education programs, to hand to visitors along with announcements or information about the meeting? None of these things need to be fancy, but they send a powerful message of inclusion.

Friends may be interested in receiving:

  • “The Tote Bag” PYM e-newsletter for Religious Education and Family resources.
  • “Quaker Meeting and Me” from the Quaker Religious Education Collaborative. This little book in English and Spanish is wonderful to hand to a visitor or newcomer, or as a gift to young children in the meeting.

To learn more about these resources, or plan a conversation about outreach and support for families in your meeting, contact Melinda Wenner Bradley, the Youth Engagement Coordinator, at mwennerbradley@pym.org.

Salem Quarterly Meeting Launches Podcast

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Salem Quarterly Meeting, an association of seven South Jersey Quaker meetings, has launched a new podcast called Clearly Quaker. This occasionally released podcast will feature audio recordings from various lectures on topics of interest to both Quakers and non-Quakers alike.

Clearly Quaker expands Salem Quarterly Meeting’s recent efforts to explore new digital mediums and broaden its communications and outreach.

The first episode features Christopher Densmore, curator of Friends Historical Library at Swarthmore College, on the topic of historic Quaker journals. You can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or stream it on SalemQuarter.net.

Inspiring Connections Across Difference in Delaware County

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Written by Sarah Willie-LeBreton and Pauline Guerin, July 15, 2016

Like many meetings and faith organizations across the country, Providence Monthly Meeting in Media, PA has been wrestling with what racism and white privilege, the nation’s policies of hyper incarceration of black and brown people in particular, and state-sponsored as well as individual violence mean for us. We have engaged in lobbying with the Friends Committee on National Legislation, participated in Alternatives to Violence and Black Lives Matter, and focused our Adult First Day School on these topics over the past year. 

While we are a predominantly white meeting there are several multiracial and multicultural members and families searching for deep and sustainable engagement.  Following the Charleston shooting last year, the meeting formed a working group of six members and attenders, the majority of whom identified as people of color or have multiracial families, to consider our mission and to be a sounding board for the meeting. It was agreed to focus the years’ Adult First Day School on racism and white-privilege topics and ten sessions were held. About 30 members of the meeting, most of whom identify as European American or white, dove in to full participation in these sessions. In fact, Adult First Day School was so successful, that we have reaffirmed our commitment to continuing the work. This year, with some repeat membership, a new constellation of members and attenders will replenish the working group. And we have asked our Clerk for a Called Meeting in the fall to include everyone in determining our way forward.

For PMM member Sarah Willie-LeBreton, an applied sociologist who studies racism and social inequality, engaging local police became a desire in the summer of 2015. She brought this leading to meeting having met and been inspired by Pauline Guerin, a PMM attender and community psychologist who promotes a model of understanding for health and human services professionals and Indigenous peoples in Australia and New Zealand.  Together and as a meeting, we wrestled during the year with how to do this effectively.

By mid-July 2016, the horrible week of continued violence in the country, Sarah was not alone in feeling the urgency of reaching out to local networks of neighbors, the NAACP, local political and faith organizations, and institutions of public and private, primary, secondary and higher education. Inspired by a friend on Facebook, the important work of Black Lives Matter, and all those who in small and large ways are working to transform structures, laws, policies and community relations, she drafted a letter to the local police chief and ran it by both the members of PMM’s working group and clerk. After receiving whole hearted support, she sent a letter to the police chief first and the mayor second.

Two days later, at Meeting for Worship, fellow Friends were curious as to whether Sarah had received a reply. Although she had not, she shared her intention to go to the police station the following morning to seek a meeting with the chief. The decision to reach out to police first acknowledged the importance of bringing them into a conversation in which we were already involved. Fellow working group member Pauline volunteered to accompany Sarah.

Early Monday morning, Sarah received a call from Susan Serbin, the coordinator of programming for Media Fellowship House–a local community social justice organization. Sarah had agreed to give a presentation on her new scholarship about challenges for diverse faculty and staff in higher education. By the end of the conversation, however, Susan and Sarah agreed that the issues of the current moment were more pressing. A workshop on racism, violence and policing should be the priority in the fall. Susan shared with Sarah that she had worked for 25 years as a local reporter and invited her to use her name wherever it might smooth the way toward the community gathering toward which Sarah was working. It wasn’t what Sarah had expected of the phone call, but she was beginning to appreciate Way Opens.

Pauline, who identifies as a white woman, and Sarah, who identifies as a black woman, met for a half hour before entering the police station. Sarah shared the idea of the fall workshop, and Pauline agreed to participate! They also outlined their mutual expectations for the meeting with the chief: 1) Would the police department partner with us on a community gathering? 2) Would the chief participate with us in facilitating the fall workshop? And 3) to share with the chief that we are glad to make our professional expertise available should the department need or want it.

The chief received us graciously and fully supportive of the initiative for a community gathering (with some caution about announcing police involvement because of threats to officer safety). He apologize for not having responded sooner due to some personal family events. He agreed to help us facilitate our community gathering but from behind the scenes. He also agreed to work with us on the workshop, and he took our professional cards. He also promised to get the mayor on the line and be back in touch before the end of the day. We left with a mixture of hesitant excitement.

The Chief was good on his word; the Mayor was on board.  We chose a time that was good for the Courthouse, good for the Chief and the Mayor, and good for us, crossing our fingers that we would not have thunderstorms.  We soon learned the next day that we needed a permit from the County to assemble in front of the County Courthouse.  The Chief got us those phone numbers and the County Council public relations staff person rushed approval through over night.

With about 24 hours before the intended gathering, Pauline and Sarah began to spread the word by social media, email and telephone.  When 4:45 arrived on Thursday evening, no thunderstorms were predicted but the temperature had soared to 92 degrees with high humidity, and we feared that we might not get more than 15-20 folks. But by 5:00, 50 people had assembled and by 5:10, there were 75 and by 5:15 there more than 100.  We began our 30 minutes of silence “holding those who have been killed, those who are suffering and each other in our hearts.”  Besides our two sentence welcome, the group held utter silence for half an hour, gathered under the shade of the Courthouse trees.

When we broke the silence with handshakes, we were deeply gratified by the energy with which people greeted each other on the sidewalk and grass.  There were hugs and handshakes, people met each other across all kinds of difference, and began conversations from which they did not want to leave, despite the high heat. Several folks asked “What’s next?… Is there an email?… Is there a group where I can get involved?… I am ready to do the work!” Two people I met were weeping.  Members of other faith organizations asked for contact information; police officers embraced civilians, clergy clasped hands with non-believers, and there were comments like “How could you have lived in Media for 15 years and I haven’t met you?!” 

Out of pain and suffering, inspired by Friends’ idea of waiting upon silence, one little town waited upon the silence Thursday evening and showed each other, revelations continue–they and we are ready to get to work!