Friends Who Care For Youth

National Gun Violence Awareness Day has taken place each June since 2015 and will be observed this year on June 5. As part of that wider conversation, Melinda Wenner Bradley recently shared ways adults can approach conversations with children about guns, violence, fear, and safety. Next week, Philadelphia Yearly Meeting will also share the perspective of Lunden Abelson, a parent, holistic somatic trauma therapist, and healer.

Melinda Wenner Bradley is a member of West Chester Meeting, clerk of Concord Quarter, co-founder of the Quaker Religious Education Collaborative and Faith & Play Stories, and the parent of three young adults raised in Philadelphia Yearly Meeting. Her work has focused on children, faith formation, and helping families and meetings create places where young people can ask questions and bring forward concerns.
Learn more about her ministry at: . alltogethernowfriends.com

Melinda recently shared how adults can prepare themselves for conversations with children about guns and other weapons. “The first step is to educate yourself about the issues so that you have an informed understanding of the problem and current policies.” She added, “And this won’t be a ‘one and done’ conversation with your child. You may need to come back to it over time, and educating yourself helps your responses be appropriate to your child’s development.”

She continued on the topic of preparation and said, “Because families are all different, knowing what your family stance on guns is helps you be able to respond to questions and concerns, which is different from reacting.” Preparation includes helping children understand, “this is what our family believes, and how we live that belief.” She also said, “Being able to demonstrate any level of action, whatever works for you, shares that there is hope and we have agency.”

Continuing on conversations with children, she added, “Start with reassurance that they are safe, and you are doing everything you can to keep them safe.” She continued, “You know your child. What is overwhelming to one child may be different from the curiosity of another,” and added, “Preparing ourselves is really important.”

When children bring up guns, Melinda said, “It means listen more than talk!” She continued, “We want to create spaces for them to discuss and explore both their feelings and information they may have heard.” She said, “So first is to really listen, and let them ask all their questions. Let them share and only respond to clarify or reflect back to them what you are hearing.”

She gave an example: “I think I hear you saying that you’re worried about something like this happening at your school. Is that right?” She added, “And for some children, words are not their best tool for expressing themselves. If you think something is on a child’s mind, you might also ask if they want to draw what it is. Or use a picture book and wonder about it together to open up a conversation.”

Melinda also spoke about helping adults understand what children may actually be asking. She suggested asking, “I wonder what you’re curious about? I wonder what you think about this?” She explained, “Wondering is intended to signal that there is no one correct answer; we’re being open together.” She also suggested parents say things like, “I’m wondering about that too,” and added that this can become “such a great moment of mutuality; we don’t have all the answers, but we’re going to accompany the child with their questions.”

Melinda also spoke about children bringing guns into play. She said, “Living in our society, imaginary play that includes weapons, like guns, can be expected.” She added how important it is to be very clear that real guns are not for play. Melinda also said, “Play is the really important work of children. It is how they try on identities, test ideas, and explore how things work.” We might help children connect Quaker faith to those moments when play includes violence, and ask, “What does it mean to believe in the Light, or that of God, in every person?” “How do both the testimonies of peace and community call us to be in relationship with others?”

Melinda also spoke about children noticing guns in public spaces, sports, hunting, media, and law enforcement. She said, “That’s an opportunity to have an open conversation about when and how guns are used by adults who are trained and licensed to use them, and how they are not toys.” She added that older children and youth “may be ready for a more complex conversation about community harm and the tension between protection and power that guns can represent.”

Returning to how children who may feel afraid after learning about guns or gun violence, Melinda said, “Make sure they know you are there to listen and hold this with them.” Sharing advice from Everytown for Gun Safety, she said, “Allow them to think through and process their fear of danger.” She also said, “We might also wonder what is in a child’s ‘spiritual toolbox’ for moments like this; practices like holding people in the Light, prayer, mindfulness, and breath.”

The conversation also widened to include meeting communities and support for families. Melinda asked, “How is your meeting community supporting people who are parenting?” She said, “That’s where pastoral care for children begins, and it’s the work of the meeting, not only a children’s RE committee.” She continued, “There is so much wisdom in a multigenerational community to share in ways that are mutual and reciprocal.” She also asked how meetings are prepared to include “the voices and concerns of young people” in conversations around gun violence and witness.

Melinda returned to why these conversations matter and said, “In the words of Fred Rogers, ‘If it’s mentionable, it’s manageable.’” She continued, “This is one of those big conversations we need to make sure there is a place to share and learn together.” She added, “This is about accompaniment with children, for them to know that they are not alone with this problem and the emotional burdens of fear, uncertainty, trauma.” She continued, “We are listening to them, they are heard, we are walking with them, and there are places to put our faith into action.”

Melinda also shared resources that can support adults as they do have these conversations:  

Picture books to explore with children:  

• Sparking Peace – by Teresa Kim Pecinovsky and Hannah Rose Martin 
• Something Happened in Our Park: Standing Together after Gun Violence – by Ann Hazzard, Marianne Celano, Marietta Collins
• Also: Something Happened in Our Town: A Child’s Story about Racial Injustice – by Ann Hazzard, Marianne Celano, Marietta Collins
• How to talk to kids about shootings – Picture books that help

Gun Violence book recommendations

• On Earth Peace – Kingian Nonviolence Agape magazine for children – issue on gun violence:  https://heyzine.com/flip-book/ab088fc370.html

Links to resources for adults to educate themselves:  

• https://everytownsupportfund.org/report/talking-to-children-about-gun-violence/
• https://www.fredrogersinstitute.org/files/resources/7/difficult-things-2025.pdf
• https://www.zerotothree.org/resource/supporting-families-young-children-and-gun-violence/
• https://futureswithoutviolence.org/news/5-things-can-gun-violence-children/
• https://www.nasponline.org/resources-and-publications/resources-and-podcasts/school-safety-and-crisis/school-violence-resources/talking-to-children-about-violence-tips-for-families-and-educators
• https://www.childrensdefense.org/tools-and-resources/the-state-of-americas-children/soac-gun-violence/