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of the Religious Society of Friends

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Friends Who Care For Youth

Pastoral Care for Our Children in These Times

Written on: January 8, 2021

As the pandemic continues, and this week our nation struggles once more against the legacy of racial injustice and violence, our children look on. 

Children and teens are experiencing the continued uncertainty of Covid and its impact on school, peer relationships, and future plans. Additionally, the events in Washington D.C. on January 6 were deeply disturbing and young people may feel anxiety, confusion, fear, sadness, or anger, and have questions about what they see and hear in the media and from friends. As parents, we’re holding space for our children’s feelings alongside our own anxiety, fury, and questions about moving forward. What follows are resources specifically for children, youth, and families.*


Where to Put Feelings

I was reminded by a Friend that worry dolls are a simple way to acknowledge children’s concerns and help them to find a place to put them. Sitting with a child while they share their worries, fears, and questions with the small doll and put it under their pillow at bedtime may not resolve the feelings, but it models healthy sharing and perspective.

Children need us to hear their concerns, and we can provide reassurance even if we do not have answers. Offering up our concerns in prayer is another way to acknowledge and place them in a larger “container” of our faith. This set of coloring pages “Prayers For When You Feel Anxious” includes both suggested prayers and three different sets of images for mindful coloring.

Young children cannot always articulate their feelings, and they may show us how they are feeling through play or behaviors. Sadness may look like: anger, tiredness, boredom, numbing out (often on screens), displaced frustration, resisting direction from adults. Their anxiety may show up as: anger, negativity, difficulty sleeping (particularly falling asleep), defiance, avoidance, lack of focus, over-planning, and chandeliering (“flying off the handle”). 

In her article, Five Things Kids Need in Order to Learn and Thrive During this Pandemic Year (linked below), Stephanie Malia Krauss names children’s need to:

  • Feel safe: physically and emotionally
  • Know what’s going on (within age-appropriate parameters)
  • Feel socially and emotionally connected
  • Have time, space, and support to learn and create
  • Feel loved and know they belong

Resources for Adults Supporting Children:

How To Talk To Kids About The Riots At The U.S. Capitol

Spiritual Practices for Use During a Traumatic News Event from Traci Smith

Five Things Kids Need in Order to Learn and Thrive During this Pandemic Year.

A Kids Book About Anxiety by Ross Szabo from the “A Kids Book About” series. The inside covers suggests, ”This book is best read together, grownup and kid.”

It’s Not Just Adults Who Are Stressed. Kids Are, Too. — Identifying your child’s emotional and behavioral reactions to stress is crucial, experts say, especially when anxieties are high.

COVID-19 Quarantine: an Emotional Tipping Point for Teens

“It’s okay to just be sad” from Courtney Martin and her blog, “the examined family.” 

“Coping with COVID-19: A Work Book for Kids and Teens” Designed to help children and teens communicate and cope with their feelings and emotions regarding the global Covid 19 pandemic. Includes writing and drawing prompts to help create a therapeutic experience and provide an opportunity to have open conversations. A good resource for pastoral care for young people (this resource does not touch on death or bereavement).


“Death feels closer”

There may be times in coming days when, in our experience as a meeting, or as a family, or as friends and neighbors, there is a child or young person dealing with loss. A research study published by Penn State University last summer concluded that every Covid-19 death leaves an average of nine survivors who have lost a grandparent, parent, sibling, spouse or child. Millions of Americans are in mourning for friends and relatives, co-workers and community members. 

Some of the more difficult conversations I’ve had in the past months with my own children have been about death. My college-aged child remarked during a conversation one day, “Death feels closer,”and has expressed anxiety about family and friends getting sick. A younger sibling has shown up at my bedside unable to sleep, and shared their deep uneasiness about the inevitability of death. “Darn existential questions!,” he tried to joke through tears.

As a parent, I hold my children close and provide what comfort I can. I’m glad for the Godly Play stories they heard and wondered about as younger children, which gave them images and language for big questions about the Divine and created spaces to come close to existential questions we all face about death and aloneness.

Thinking about how we talk about death and helping children develop a vocabulary for loss and grief is pastoral care preparation we can also do across ages in meeting communities. There are excellent resources for children through adolescents for talking about death and dying, that could be recommended to a family in need of support. In addition to this list of books about grief for young children through teens, the titles below are highly recommended. 

Suggested Books about Death and Grief:

Giants by A.E. McIntyre, illustrated by ElisaBeth Steines. A gentle treatment of a child’s grief story, written by a parent who lost their own parent as a young child.  Website for the book.

The Pear Tree A folktale retold by Luli Gray and illustrated by Madelyn Goodnight. Probably better for older children, the message is that death is a reality of life, but there is always hope.

Death Is Stupid by Anastasia Higginbotham is part of the “Ordinary Terrible Things” series. A realistic and moving read-along for a child and adult.

The Memory Tree by Britta Teckentrup is a story about remembering and letting go, and what remains — the forest animals lead the way.

A Little Blue Bottle by Jennifer Grant, illustrated by Gillian Whiting. Thinking about the sadness of losing a neighbor, and what our grief means to God. Includes a page, “Best Practices for When a Child Is Grieving.”

A Kids Book About Death by Taryn Schuelke from the “A Kids Book About” series. The inside covers suggests, ”This book is best read together, grownup and kid.”


*Pastoral Care for our Community during the COVID-19 Outbreak is another resource by my colleague George Schaefer, Care & Aging Coordinator. Adults seeking support can also reach out to the Friends Counseling Service.

Melinda Wenner Bradley, Youth Religious Life Coordinator mwennerbradley@pym.org. (My children gave their permission to be quoted in this piece.)

Filed Under: Counseling, Families, Friends Who Care For Youth, Ministry & Care, Pastoral Care, Philadelphia Yearly Meeting This article mentions:Children, Covid 19, Death, Families, Grief, Pastoral Care, Teens

Tuition Aid for Friends Children in PYM Friends Schools

Written on: December 29, 2020

PYM’s Committee on Friends Education reminds families that monthly meeting members’ children attending or applying to Friends Schools  are eligible to apply for educational support for the 2021-22 school year. Funding for all grants comes from the National Friends Education Fund and Philadelphia Yearly Meeting endowment income from the Jonathan Rhoads Fund and other PYM education endowments. [Read more…] about Tuition Aid for Friends Children in PYM Friends Schools

Filed Under: Faith & Practice, Families, Finance, Friends Who Care For Youth, Grants, Middle School Friends, Monthly Meeting Management, Pastoral Care, Philadelphia Yearly Meeting, Quaker Life Council, Quakers & Quakerism, Religious Education, Young Adult Friends, Youth Programs

Christmas Together in New Ways

Written on: December 3, 2020

Meetings may be seeking to create meaningful Christmas programs that keep Friends connected while also being safe about Covid-19. Two online Conversation Circles were hosted by the Youth Religious Life Coordinator to share ideas and support each other with how to plan for celebrations in this challenging time. [Read more…] about Christmas Together in New Ways

Filed Under: Families, Friends Who Care For Youth, Ministry & Care, Philadelphia Yearly Meeting, Religious Education This article mentions:Children, Christmas, Community, Families

Parenting + Presidential Election + Pandemic

Written on: October 29, 2020

Parents have been holding a lot in these past eight months. In addition to the multiple stressors of life during a pandemic and social unrest and violence in the news and neighborhoods, the intensity of the election cycle is an experience both for us as adults and for our children. Depending on their age, children and teens may be aware of the anxiety of the adults around them and experiencing their own anxiety about the outcome of the election next week. [Read more…] about Parenting + Presidential Election + Pandemic

Filed Under: Families, Friends Who Care For Youth, Philadelphia Yearly Meeting

Fall Religious Education Planning: Connection and New Directions

Written on: August 8, 2020

We are in a liminal space right now: there is uncertainty about what is ahead, but it is also a threshold to a new place. Thinking about planning for First Day programs this fall, I wonder what new possibilities are emerging during this de-stabilized time? In March, there was a crisis response and many meetings pivoted into online spaces; now the shift is to the new normal. Friends are thinking about how and when to return to meeting houses and what the implications are for children and young people gathering with the meeting. Some questions we might consider in this moment of community planning:
[Read more…] about Fall Religious Education Planning: Connection and New Directions

Filed Under: Families, Friends Who Care For Youth, Philadelphia Yearly Meeting, Religious Education

We Are . . . PYM Youth!

Written on: July 31, 2020

Photo: Young Friends (high school group) together in program on Thursday, July 3


This year, we start our Sessions days with all-ages worship and All Together Time on Zoom. In the last part of the hour of worship, Youth Programs staff transition us from waiting worship to All Together Time. This is when we do something all together in a worship space that uses our spirits and bodies and connects us with one another. When we gather for Annual Sessions, we are an all-ages spiritual community, even in virtual spaces. [Read more…] about We Are . . . PYM Youth!

Filed Under: Annual Sessions, Annual Sessions 2020, Friends Who Care For Youth, Philadelphia Yearly Meeting, Youth Programs

Youth & Families at Annual Sessions

Written on: July 1, 2020

You’re invited!

Families and young people are a vital part of our PYM community and when we gather for Sessions it is to be an all-ages spiritual community. The time of Covid-19 has changed the shape of our gathering this year — and the shape of this summer for many families. We hope PYM programs will support parents and children at home who are seeking experiences of online camp and community this summer.

[Read more…] about Youth & Families at Annual Sessions

Filed Under: Annual Sessions, Families, Friends Who Care For Youth, Philadelphia Yearly Meeting, Young Adult Friends, Youth Programs

Talking About Racial Injustice with Children

Written on: June 5, 2020

Our children are watching, and listening, and learning. This is a deeply challenging time. Families are experiencing a global pandemic that has changed the shape of home and school life. There is economic uncertainty and hardship. Our children are watching and experiencing a nationwide response of fury and protest after the latest tragedies in centuries of Black lives brutally taken. For those of us who live with children and serve young people in our work, it is a moment to be present to them. [Read more…] about Talking About Racial Injustice with Children

Filed Under: Addressing Racism, Families, Friends Who Care For Youth, Philadelphia Yearly Meeting, Religious Education

Youth Call for Action in Support of Immigrants

Written on: May 11, 2020

Providence Meeting Middle School Friends’ concern for immigrants began when we saw pictures of immigrants on the news and how they were being treated at the US Mexico border. That led to our first fundraiser and learning more about the immigrant situation. We heard that families were being separated, and knew we needed to learn more about migrant life at the border and how we could help. [Read more…] about Youth Call for Action in Support of Immigrants

Filed Under: Friends Who Care For Youth, Middle School Friends, Minutes, Peace & Social Justice, Philadelphia Yearly Meeting, Religious Education

First Day Programs: What do you need?

Written on: April 30, 2020

What do you need? 

A small and vital question to be asking one another in these days. What do families in our meetings, and the adults who have care of religious education programs for children and young people, need to support the spiritual lives children and young people?


What do you need to gather?

There is no “right way” to be gathering in this time, when the needs of Friends and our capacities to meet them are unique and sometimes changing: [Read more…] about First Day Programs: What do you need?

Filed Under: Friends Who Care For Youth, Philadelphia Yearly Meeting, Religious Education, Youth Programs

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