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Adult
Volunteers |
Volunteering as a FRIENDLY ADULT PRESENCE (Chaperone)
A guide for Friendly Adult Presences at Young Friends Gatherings
Dear Friendly Adult Presence,
Thank you so much for your interest in being a volunteer for PYM’s youth programs. Thanks to you and other Friends like yourself, we are able to plan and carry out wonderful events that create opportunities for our young teenagers to explore their own ideas, feelings and understandings of themselves and our constantly-changing world These programs are especially effective in supporting the personal and spiritual journeys of Young Friends, because they take place in the context of a safe, Quaker community of age peers. Ensuring this sense of safety is our highest priority, and thanks to your generous volunteering, we have been able to maintain it.
Who can be a Friendly Adult Presence? You must be over age 21. You must be known in your Monthly Meeting community, or Yearly Meeting, or Quarterly Meeting, or a Friends School for a minimum of six months. We and our Insurance Carrier are leery of adults who drop in out of nowhere and want to work with our kids. Reference checks will be repeated every 4 to 6 years for continuing workers.
Criminal Back Ground Checks: Our Insurance Carrier is requiring that we do criminal back ground checks on all staff and Volunteer Friendly Adult Presences involved in over night programs. We do the on line criminal back ground check online. We pay the charge! Once you are cleared you are ready to be a Friendly Adult Presence at any Young Friends or Middle School Friends gathering.
Here is how it is done. Fill out and sign the "Friendly Adult Presence Form" with references the "Monthly Meeting Verification Form" and the "Background Investigation Consent for Volunteer Chaperones." Mail all three forms to me, yes, it must be snail mailed, we need an original signature on the consent form. We will then go on line to get the criminal back ground clearance. This information will be kept confidential. Only those who need to see the results will have access...
| Current Friendly Adult Presences: If you have already been cleared, then all you need to do is call, write or e-mail me to say that you are coming. Please do not assume that I can read you mind and that know that you are coming. Sometimes I can barely read my own mind . |
In order for you to be covered by the Yearly Meeting's liability insurance while chaperoning at Young Friends or Middle School Friends events and in particular on the occasion that you carry children in your automobile on Yearly Meeting business, we need to give the following information to our insurance carrier. We will keep this on file so it won't need to be redone for each gathering. Please let us know if you change cars or insurance companies.
What does being covered by the Yearly Meeting liability insurance mean to you? As we understand it, if a person is injured at a Yearly Meeting sponsored event, i.e. a Young Friends gathering, and sues the Yearly Meeting, the staff and the volunteers, then the Yearly Meeting liability insurance would pay the claim awarded by a court or from a settlement. This would also apply on the occasion that you carry Young Friends in your automobile "on Yearly Meeting business", i.e. when at a gathering you are asked to transport Young Friends to and from train stations, hospitals, program sites, etc. Your auto insurance would be the first coverage with the Yearly Meeting insurance assuming liability beyond your insurance. It does not apply when you are carpool ing to and from gatherings. It is also not primary health and accident coverage
We cannot run these gathering without you. If we do not have enough volunteers we will be forced to turn Young Friends away from our retreats and gatherings.
If you have any questions please feel free call, write or E-mail me.
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Sincerely, Cookie
Caldwell
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A guide for Friendly Adult Presences at Young Friends Gatherings
Let me say that I really look forward to seeing you at the Young Friends gatherings and I appreciate that you are giving up your personal time to make these Young Friends events possible. I know that anyone who continues to come to these gatherings does so because they enjoy the kids and find the gatherings personally rewarding (That's how I got "hooked"!) If you have ideas how we can make it better for both adults and Young Friends, talk to Becca Ethridge, or myself. We are always open to new ideas.
We need your help to make the "magic" happen! We want everyone coming to a Young Friends gathering to feel safe, accepted, cared about and included in the group. We need to be on the lookout for kids (and maybe even other Friendly Adult Presences) who don't seem to be making good connections or who seem distressed. Your challenge as a Friendly Adult Presence is to be both an "Adult Chaperone" and "Participant". You are asked to be a responsible Friendly adult who shares your faith journey. Someone who can play with the kids, teach crafts, perhaps lead a workshop, lead games, supervise a work crew, lead singing, help organize skits or talent show nights. Keep in mind that you are not expected to do everything and that you can choose to participate in the way that best suits you and your skills.
We will assign you to a Young Friends worship sharing groups/work group. At least a third of the small groups will benefit from some adult guidance. You will also participate with your group as they carry out their work responsibilities. Hopefully this will help with better quality control and attendance. The idea is to keep your group on task with a light but firm touch, without usurping the Young Friends leadership. I think that being a participant in a small group will also help you to make connections with the kids and they with you on a person to person basis (less of a we they thing). To help build group cohesion I suggest you might remind the group to go over names at the start of each small group activity; People feel more welcomed if others make the effort to learn their names and more comfortable approaching others if they know the other persons name first.
OPENING NIGHT at a gathering, there is a lot to do. When you arrive, check in at the registration table and pick up a schedule (or read it off the wall) in case there are any last minute changes in plans. Make yourself a name tag so other people will get to know your name. This is important even if you've been to a lot of gatherings because there are always new people who won't know who you are. It is helpful if you can arrive a little early, if only to get settled in, before the masses arrive. Putting up signs, setting up the registration table, unloading boxes, organizing the food in the kitchen, and directing arriving Young Friends as to where to register and where to put their gear are some of the many things you can help with. As the Young Friends arrive, we try to have some games or other activities to break the ice and blend in the first timers and those that are a bit shy. When most kids have arrived, we will begin with a group meeting to introduce kids to their small groups and to discuss rules and expectations and to introduce the theme program for the conference.
BEDTIME AND SLEEP: Volunteers frequently wonder if they will get any rest at a gathering. We start to head people off to bed at about 11:00 PM. Rarely do all the kids settle right down and some of the group requires coercion to go to sleep. Friendly Presences should spread throughout the sleeping rooms, making especially certain to sleep near groups that may be disruptive. The quieting down usually goes in stages; you will probably have to tell the kids to be quiet a number of times before they go to sleep. Be persistent and know that you will be able to go to sleep yourself. During the time that kids are getting settled down, one friendly presence will need to circulate and do a head count. This is a good job, because you get to know more kids' names and more kids get to know you.
Now I would like to share our expectations and concerns for your participation as a Friendly Adult Presence. We have found it helpful if the Friendly Adult Presences are older than the Young Friends, at least age 21. It is difficult to be an authority figure if you are really a peer. An age difference between you and the Young Friends you will chaperone is very helpful.
We are looking for people who model responsible positive behavior and are able to "elder" Young Friends in a Friendly manner when they are behaving inappropriately. This covers the Young Friends guidelines: no illegal drugs, no alcohol, and no inappropriate sexual behavior. This means: No necking, Petting, Sucking Face, Making Out, Groping, One to a sleeping bag, etc. The more subjective admonitions to love and care for one another are equally important. Doing one's share of the cooking and cleaning, listening when others are speaking, working to include others into the group, not using put downs, cheerful cooperation even if you are cleaning toilets. A Friendly Adult Presence who has personal difficulty conforming with any of the above will have tremendous difficulty guiding Young Friends to do their part. We are not looking for "big kids", (regardless of age) who just want to come to Young Friends gatherings for free!
It is not OK for a Friendly Adult Presence to be dating a minor (under age 18) Young Friend even if you are only 21. As a Friendly Adult Presence you are in acting in the place of a parent and have certain legal obligations. Many of our Young Friends may seem very adult and grown up, but you are the adult and need to behave with restraint and good judgment. Young Friends is not a place to "pick up" the kids. Parents and the Young Friends Working Group do not find this acceptable behavior.
When we list you as a Friendly Presence for one of our gatherings, parents expect that you will behave in a responsible adult manner whenever you associate with their children. If you invite them to an activity at your house or wherever, parents expect that it will be properly supervised by responsible adults. The Young Friends Program and the parents expect that the same guidelines for Young Friends behavior will apply.
Do I have to pay to attend the gathering? NO! We can't hold these gatherings without you.
What if I have children who are too young to be Young Friends? They are welcome as our guests. Some Young Friends programs may not be appropriate for young children. You are the parent and you should decide whether the program is appropriate for your child. Bring toys, books or other things your child likes to play with. We have had children from 3 months to 13 years old attend with their parents.
OK, I'd like to Volunteer, how do I do it? Call the Young Friends office and tell us that you want to volunteer, the sooner the better. It is our policy that we must have 1 adult for every 10 Young Friends or we turn the extra Young Friends away. Let us know if you will be present for the whole gathering so we don't get caught short handed. Fill out and sign the "Friendly Adult Presence Form" with references, the "Monthly Meeting Verification Form" and the "Background Investigation Consent for Volunteer Chaperones." You only need to fill out this form this once unless you change cars or insurance. We will keep the forms on file.
Child Sexual Abuse Prevention
The Education and Religious Education Staff would like to let all Friendly Presences know of certain guidelines intended to prevent sexual abuse and neglect of children and youth at our gatherings. We seek to protect children from harm and teach them that their bodies are gifts of God. We want children and young people to know that that they have the right to establish personal boundaries, to communicate about their boundaries in a world where everyone's may be different, and to express love and affection physically and verbally in ways that are appropriate for their age:
When a child or young person is upset, needs a private conversation, or is being reprimanded by a Friendly Presence, they need to know that they have a right to have and should have another person (preferably an adult) present. Or, if an adult is speaking to a child or young Friend, we expect that both will be within sight, or within earshot of other members of the community.
All participants at a gathering have a right to set their physical boundaries, to say no to unwelcome touch, and should respect the boundaries of others in the community.
We discourage you from meeting alone with an individual young person outside of gatherings because it is easy for your words, actions and intentions to be misunderstood or misconstrued by a younger person. Without a third person present as a witness, your reputation could be at stake.
Adults who express a lot of affection towards young people need to be mindful of how much their own needs are being met by their contact with middle or high school young people. Adult Friendly Adult Presences must be mindful of the power that they have in relation to young people, and be careful to use their power in constructive ways.
Friendly Adult Presence should not take showers in the presence of younger Friends in a communal, unstalled situation.
If a child or Young Friend feels that they have been sexually harassed or abused, or subject to neglect at home, school, or at a gathering, they should be encouraged bring that issue to the program leader or her supervisor, a Friendly Presence with whom they feel comfortable, or to their parent or guardian. Any complaints will be addressed by PYM's Young Friends Program staff and their supervisors.
PYM staff are mandatory reporters of abuse. If we become aware that a child has been or is being sexually, physically, or emotionally abused, or neglected, we must legally report our knowledge to the county in which the child resides. In this case, we will encourage a parent or guardian and child to seek counseling, and we will be able to help you find resources for counseling within and outside the Quaker community.
YOUNG FRIENDS' GUIDELINES
Young Friends' community is very special. The community requires each of us to nurture the group, to be aware of each other and to care for one another. This must be an active act of caring: doing your part of the cooking and cleaning, listening when others are speaking, working to include others into the group, not using put downs, respecting each other's boundaries, and cheerful cooperation even if you are cleaning toilets.
The community is also very fragile. When trust is betrayed it is hard to reestablish. If you cannot live with the guidelines or if you are not coming to be an active participant in the community -PLEASE DO NOT COME.
1. The COMMON SENSE RULE: Everyone is required to use common sense and to intervene with others who do not. There is no way that we will be able to enumerate a rule to cover every bizarro thing that someone can think up to do. All of the other "rules" really follow from this rule.
2. NO ILLEGAL DRUGS: This includes EVERYTHING you would be arrested for having, doing, selling, giving away, or borrowing. If a prescription drug is not YOUR prescription then you should not have it.
3. NO ALCOHOL in any form.
4. NO INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL ACTIVITY. This means: No hooking up, petting, making out, or ANY KIND of sex. If you're in doubt, ask somebody. If you're still in doubt, don't to it.
5. SMOKING is a solitary event. Those who are addicted to nicotine may, during unscheduled time, go outside and smoke a cigarette by themselves, then return to the rest of our community.
6. NO ONE MAY LEAVE THE CONFERENCE WITHOUT THE PERMISSION OF THE CONFERENCE LEADERS; i.e. Cookie Caldwell or Becca Ethridge. Young Friends over age 18 and Friendly Adult Presences, are adults and can leave at anytime, but we expect that you will check out so that we know that you are gone and we are not looking for you.
5/30/07
Are You an Adult Leader or a Camouflaged Kid?
As a Friendly Adult Presence you may take on many roles: surrogate parent, coach, cheerleader, referee, councilor, mentor, musician, program leader and more. One role that is definitely missing from the list is: fellow peer. You can't be both an adult leader and peer to teenagers.
Why Not a Peer?
All teenagers struggle to define who they are. In comparison, adults are challenged to move beyond "Who am I?" to "I know who I am; how can I help others?" For adults the search for "I" should never be an end in itself.
Unfortunately, many chronological adults are spiritually, emotionally or psychologically adolescents. In other words they still turn to teenagers to identify who they are. That is why it is so hard for them to tell the teenagers "No" when they want to do something destructive or harsh. They might even take on a "ringleader" role in whatever mischief the teenagers have planned.
Adults need to model an internal sense of self-worth to teenagers. This means that the adult may have to tell the teenagers what they don't want to hear. It means taking a stand for what's right when the crowd wants to do what's wrong.
Teenagers who find their self-worth in peer acceptance struggle to do these things. But adults base their decisions not on what's popular, but on what is right. Adults show their compassion for young people by giving them a stable, adult reference point.
Helping Teenagers without becoming one
Healthy adults are servant leaders -- letting go of their own needs so they can meet the needs of the teenagers. This does not mean that good adults take on the kids needs as their own. It means learning to recognize teenagers' inner most needs and helping them see where they need to go next.
If you become "one of the gang", you may meet some short-term needs. But it won't lead to growth in the teenagers. Acceptance is 10 percent of leadership; challenge is the other 90 percent.
Who Will You Serve?
You can choose to serve teenagers as an adult. Or you can choose to serve yourself as a camouflaged peer. The stakes are high. Remember, teenagers have the ability to get drugs & alcohol, to reproduce, and to damage others physically and emotionally. Teenagers need your adult maturity and perspective. To help them you need to be part of the solution and not part of the problem. Who will you serve?
Adapted and condensed from Jr. High Ministry magazine, Vol. 8, No. 2, Feb./March 1993. Jerry Goebel and Rick Griffin
To Volunteer or for more information please call 215-241-7222 or write to Young Friends, 1515 Cherry St., Philadelphia PA. 19144 or E-mail cookiec@pym.org .