Young Friendly Presence Guide

Introduction
A Friendly Presence (or FP) is a special person age 15 (10th grade) and up who comes to gatherings and by his or her very presence makes them safe and fun. You are asked to be chaperone, participant, and friend; responsible and friendly. Generally, you are asked to attend the entire gathering (usually a weekend, from Friday night to Sunday around noon).

A gathering usually includes 30-40 Middle School Friends (MSFs), one full-time staff person (Elizabeth Walmsley), one part-time assistant (Josh Kaplan), one cook (Kurt Weins, who is generally in the kitchen for the gathering), and at least five FPs at any time (who may include some adult FPs and some Young Friends serving as FPs). Gatherings are held at the Burlington (NJ) conference center or at host Meetings that have volunteered their space. Each gathering has a theme, and activities are built around this theme. Sometimes there are additional outside specialists in these themes who lead a program or session during the weekend. FPs are not responsible for designing or leading the program at a gathering – they play a supportive role and may be asked to lead smaller things like games or crafts from time to time. At some gatherings, the group will travel by bus for a program or activity. Middle Schoolers also facilitate their own Meeting for Business sessions during many of the gatherings. The time is largely structured, with free time of up to about 90 minutes at any one time. A sample schedule is attached.

Staff and FPs form a team to work together to make the gatherings successful. If you are new to this, rest assured, there is plenty of support from staff and other FPs who have ample experience working with this age group! Some of the more responsible Middle Schoolers constitute a Nurturing Committee, which takes responsibility for encouraging adherence to guidelines and helping to build community. These Middle Schoolers are also a resource for the FPs. The PYM Middle Schoolers are an extraordinary group of young people, who, with a bit of guidance, build a caring community over the course of the weekend. Some of the Middle Schoolers have been to numerous gatherings, and can provide leadership within the community.

Chapter One: The Abstract
Philosophy
Our philosophy grows directly from Quaker values. For one weekend we have a chance to create our own beautiful, colorful, caring world. Our intention is to grow three things well in each person: awareness of people’s inner gifts, greater personal confidence and a deeper faith. To do this we cultivate a positive community, and as Friendly Presences (FPs), respond to each person and situation individually. We must realize that our actions teach our values much more strongly than our words. Here are some basic ideas that underlie our approach to gathering life.

Positive Reinforcement
All young people are potentially happy, considerate and enjoyable. We try to bring out and respond to their best qualities. The best response to negative behavior is to stop it and then help the person to do better. We use no physical punishment, and we try not to use verbal put-downs or sarcasm.

Cooperation and Respect for Others
Young people need practice in working together rather than competing against each other. Cooperation happens when we believe that other people (and their feelings and wishes) are as important as we are. When grappling with a conflict we make space for each person to voice their story, for each person to be heard well, and to reach a solution that is good for everyone, not just good for one person or for the majority.

Self-discipline
We are here not to impose discipline, but to teach it. The Middle School Friends (MSFs) do not make the gathering guidelines, but they are made aware of the reasons behind them. Guidelines here grow out of necessity- they are not made to teach obedience. Therefore, when asked “why do we have to do this?” the best response is a direct, reasonable answer without evasion or intimidation. The MSFs participate in enough planning that they are motivated out of their own enthusiasm, with a minimum of coercion.

Quiet and Listening
If we are constantly active or making noise, we cannot listen. Every child needs to learn the skill of pausing to hear what others are saying, to notice beauty, to be aware of other people’s feelings, or to hear what their own inner wisdom may be trying to tell them. FPs need to be calming influences when we’re in worship or program or while appreciating art.

Ways to help
Here are some more practical examples of helpful things you can do.

Ways FPs help through a weekend:
• At the registration table, greeting people.
• Sitting with someone during a program to help them focus
• Lending an extra hand in the kitchen
• Roaming around buildings and grounds during free times and being a presence
• Leading a group of MSFs to a nearby park during free time for group games (after you get Elizabeth’s OK)
• Gathering MSFs when it is time for program

You will be assigned to a small group (usually about 7) of young people which will do worship sharing, chores and participate in workshops as a whole. Each group usually includes both boys and girls and the full range of ages. Elizabeth and Josh try to give you some background information on the kids in your group, if there is anything that they think you may need to know. Depending on the number of FP’s, you may be the only FP in a group, or there may be a couple of FPs. If you have a concern about being the only FP, please contact Elizabeth at least a week before the gathering, so she can try to make sure that you are partnered with another FP (or reassure you all will go well). These times will give you and the group members a chance to know one another in a deeper way and to build a small community within the larger group.

In worship sharing, a Middle Schooler from the Nurturing Committee (or you, if your nurturing committee member does not want to) will go over guidelines and wait for the sharing to unfold. If there is an obviously long silence you may want to break it and model the sharing. Always leave plenty of space for Middle Schoolers to take the lead. If the Middle Schoolers start to race through the worship sharing, try asking them to allow some space between sharing. Give them a guided activity if there is time after the end of worship sharing and before the next activity. If your group is having trouble with worship sharing, or other tasks, or being respectful of each other and you, a group discussion may be helpful. Elizabeth and Josh are always ready to help out!

The Role of Young Friend Friendly Presences
At Middle School Friends, we work hard to build a safe and inclusive community. As a Friendly Presence try to keep these points in mind:
• you are in a position of authority and responsibility
• maintain a certain distance from the Middle School Friends so that they respect your role at the gathering and do not see you as a peer
• reinforce the guidelines of the community and do not break them. As a Young Friend, it is your responsibility to provide a positive bridge to the Young Friends program, where the same guidelines exist.
• you should not ever be the solitary chaperones in any situation.
• You and adult FPs are there to mentor one another – you understand gatherings well and how they are run and adults have a clearer sense of what their authority is and have an easier time setting limits with MSFs.

The Guidelines of an MSF gathering
The following are the basic guidelines that we all follow at gatherings.

1 Use your common sense - it does not limit your ability to be creative or have fun.

2 Respect all people, property, and program. (This includes listening to people when they are speaking.)

3 "Put ups only" - positive and peaceful language.

4 Absolutely no drugs, alcohol, or sexual behavior allowed.

5 Please include people and invite them to join you. Try to spend time with different people throughout the weekend.

6 If you are not sure about whether or not to do something, ask yourself:
* Is it kind?
* Is it safe?
* Does it help to build community?
If you answer “no” to any of the questions, don’t do it. (You can always ask an FP, too.)

7 Make sure that an FP is with you wherever you are.

8 Please RUN! But please do it OUTSIDE!

9 Go to sleep at bed time.

10 Wear shoes in the kitchen.

11 Food and drink stays in the dining hall, and people stay in the dining hall until announcements are made.

12 No phones or ipods.

Communication
FP Dynamics
The working spirit of the FPs is the single most important factor determining the spirit of the gathering. A group that is fragmented confuses the children and can seriously hamper our efforts to give them an enjoyable weekend. We must all work with each other in creating a positive environment. The work, while rewarding, is demanding and tiring, so it is important to give each other support and understanding as well as nurturing the MSFs. Good communication is an essential factor. Tell someone when you think s/he’s done a good job. You can call on everyone’s help at the FP meeting, or you can ask the coordinators or another FP to mediate a conflict. A small problem or personality conflict can sometimes snowball if left unresolved.

Decision-Making
FP meetings will (hopefully) happen both nights at the gathering after the kids are in bed. This will give us a chance to share impressions of how things are going, communicate and discuss problems and tweak plans for the day to come. Elizabeth bears final responsibility for most major decisions, but we try to operate as much as possible on decision making by consensus. By consensus we mean reaching a decision that can be accepted by all without major objection.

Conflict Resolution
Our approach to the inevitable conflicts that arise among children grows naturally out of the philosophy we have already outlined. First of all, just as each young person is different, so is every conflict. Therefore, it is important not to be over-reliant on standard solutions, but to respond appropriately to individual situations. We must be alert to what will or will not be effective with the specific children involved.

We believe in non-violence – both physical and verbal. While anger may sometimes be called for, calm firmness is usually the best manner of response. Even if a child is in the wrong, it does not help to put her or him down. There need not be a winner or loser. Whenever possible, we try to find the solution that is not only fair but is most likely to help the children get along in the future.

Each FP has his or her own special strengths and techniques in dealing with difficult situations. If there is a fight, simply isolating the two quarrelers until they cool down is often a good beginning to settling the disagreement. With a group problem, an open discussion with everyone has sometimes worked very well. Sometimes, extra work – as a natural consequence of misbehavior-helps to let off steam and right the wrong. (Check with Elizabeth before giving someone extra work.) It is important for any conflict resolution or consequence to follow as immediately as possible so that it will be connected to the conflict in the child’s mind.

Many conflicts can be eliminated simply by preventing the kind of environment where they are likely to arise. With adequate supervision and constructive activity, children are less likely to become bored and destructive. Of course, it is also important to strive to maintain a positive and loving example of behavior, so that negative behavior will seem less normal or desirable. Please remember that Elizabeth and Josh are available at any time to help with a situation that feels bigger than you can handle.

Through all of what we do, it is crucial to be aware of the individuality of each child. Each has different needs and strengths. It is our job to help each child to be a happy and constructive part of the group. Stay flexible to your approach.

Eldering/Lending Concern
There may be times when you come upon a situation where a guideline is being broken or an intervention is necessary. Though most Middle School Friends are very responsible, the adults and Young Friends are the ultimate standard bearers.
Lend guidance when, for example:
• Kids are running in a building- direct them outside
• A craft project is getting messy- step in with newspaper or a sponge
• Someone is climbing a very tall tree-tell them to get down
• Someone is sitting alone during free-time- invite them to play a game of cards, strike up a conversation, (sidle up to kids who are playing a game and encourage them to invite the person to join them).

With more extreme situations such as:
• People driving each other crazy to the point of yelling or fighting
• People who are pushing the boundary exclusively hanging out with someone- generally sitting together constantly or behaving in any way to make people uncomfortable.
• Someone’s property has been broken

These folks will need to be addressed in a longer conversation probably with consequences or expectations attached. Elizabeth and her assistant need to be a part of these conversations. Come to us whenever you don’t know quite what to do, if you are not sure if the behavior you are witnessing falls into these categories, if you have a concern about someone or you find your temper flaring. It is possible and necessary to stay peaceful.

Chapter Two: The Hands-On
Daily Responsibilities
FPing at a gathering is a job where there is always something that needs to be done, though it isn't always clearly defined. This section merely tries to outline the basic, more concrete, responsibilities.

Chores
Every day in small groups there will be meal preps and cleanups. This is essential to the gathering not only because we have to eat to live, but also because we want to maintain a pleasant place to live together for the weekend. The FP role is to teach work skills or learn along with the MSFs. Help kids do the work without doing it for them.

In doing chores- you will work along side the group as well as:
• help each person be present to the jobs at hand
• to do the work well until it is done
• if someone consistently does not show up on time or leaves before the work is finished let them know that this is unacceptable. Help them understand what is expected of them.

Meal prep happens ½ hour before every meal. Each FP is responsible for making sure the people in their small group arrive on time to the kitchen. For breakfast prep, the male FPs are responsible for awakening the male members of their small group, and the female FPs wake up the females. Kurt, the cook, is in charge of the kitchen. Meal cleanup includes helping to put food away, putting dishes, pots and pans through the dishwasher, wiping the counters down, sweeping and mopping the floor. Dining room cleanup includes bringing in leftover food from the serving table, wiping that table and all the eating tables down with warm soapy water, sweeping the wooden floor and cleaning spills with the blue stuff in the spray bottles and the mops with terry cloth covers.

After breakfast building cleanup (Sunday)
Each small group will be assigned chores after breakfast on Sunday such as bathroom cleanup, stairwell sweeping, bunk sweeping, trash collection and vacuuming. It's important that these jobs get done well so that the building is left in excellent condition for the next group. The FPs need to do their best to see that these jobs get done, but don’t be surprised if the MSFs have some trouble focusing on the task at hand at this point in the weekend. A sense of humor can be a big help!

Bunk Cleanup
FPs should encourage MSFs to keep their bunk areas generally tidy. FPs should also make a point of doing their own dorm work when they request that the kids do theirs. An FP's bunk area should serve as a good example to the MSFs. It is difficult for MSFs to see the need to clean up if an FP has left his/her space a mess.

Meals
FPs are expected to be on time for meals so that tables can be supervised from the start. FPs should spread themselves out so that each table has an FP. Generally, Elizabeth or Josh will call tables individually to go up to the table. Ask Elizabeth or Josh for suggestions for verbal games so you don’t wind up staring at each other if conversation doesn’t work. At the buffet table, FPs make sure that a reasonable amount of order is kept, and that food is not wasted. Remind MSFs to take only as much as they can eat and that they are welcome to have seconds once everyone has been through the line once.

Announcements
After each meal, people are asked to stay at their table – both so as to teach good manners, and so that everyone is contained in the eating area until announcements are given and enough FPs have finished eating so as to be able to supervise people in other areas of the building. If you see folks heading for the doors before we’ve had announcements, please remind them that they need to stay at their table until announcements are over.

Meeting for Worship
We can help the children appreciate this time by making evident our own appreciation of it, and encouraging them to participate. This is best done by spacing ourselves evenly among the MSFs and, if needed, using an occasional quiet gesture or touch on the shoulder to remind them to be quiet. It is appropriate to move and sit between two who can’t keep still, in order to help them settle down.

General Responsibilities
Aside from the specific responsibilities an FP may have, each FP must keep a constant awareness of where s/he is needed during free times or transition times. In the bunks, during small group times and during free times FPs will use their ingenuity and leadership in games, facilitating worship sharing or thinking up something fun to do in the moment. For this reason communication between FPs needs to be good to make people aware of activities happening at the gathering.

Free time for the kids is not free time for FPs. Keep in mind that if a group of FPs is casually overseeing one or two children, very likely there is a large group of children someplace else with one (stressed) FP or no FP at all. Try to keep the MSF/FP balance fair for FPs and safe for young people.

It is during these times that children need guidance the most, in order to prevent teasing, fights, gossip, and other non-constructive occupations. Participating with the MSFs and setting a positive tone is the most important thing. Play a game, talk with them, sing, play catch or hackey sack, teach a dance, or show someone how to juggle. Just keeping an eye on them is helpful, but participating with them is better. The staff has lots of ideas for games that you can play with the children. It is often during these times that we can enjoy the children most as individuals.

If the weather’s good, feel free to join up with another FP or two and take a group of MSFs to a nearby park. Make sure Elizabeth knows where you are, and that you know when the group needs to be back. When you leave the Burlington Conference Center or host meeting grounds, count the number of MSFs. You need to return with the same number!

FPs should also keep an eye open for jobs that can be done in odd times, clean-up, or preparing for the next day's activities. Often a kid or two will take an interest in working with you. It is good to be aware of how one's time is spent – it is best to strike a balance between spending it on odd jobs and spending it with the kids, so that both the fun and the work are shared among all the FPs.

Time Off
We all need a break once in a while during a weekend - perhaps especially for naps and showers! If you need some time off during a gathering, please come and see Elizabeth or Josh while there’s still enough time beforehand to be able to plan it, or bring it up at the FP meeting on the Friday night after the kids are in bed. The most ideal times for you to have a break are during program times (believe it or not), because the kids are all in either one or two groups, generally, in a planned activity. The biggest times that we need "all hands on deck", so to speak, are during the small group times, free times, Saturday afternoons, and transition times from one thing to another.

If you anticipate needing a more extensive period of time off (like 3-4 hours) during a weekend, however, we have parents who have volunteered to come and “spell” an FP for a morning/afternoon. We are happy to call on one of these wonderful people to come along and help us out while you have a break – but WE MUST KNOW AT LEAST A WEEK OR TWO BEFOREHAND so that we can contact our volunteers and see who is free. Please make sure to do something nice for yourself while you're having a break: taking care of yourself will make the weekend more pleasant and enjoyable for you, and therefore for everyone around you (by osmosis). ?

Community Games
We would like to include games once or twice every day. We would love you to choose a game, organize it, and lead it! Otherwise, we would love you to play the games with the children, since they tend to lose interest in games without the participation of a reasonable number of FPs, and it is more fun for both children and FPs when everyone plays. Games are chosen from a variety of active, large-group games. Some favorites are Elbow Tag, Big Wind Blows, Capture the Flag, Animal Bop and Freeze and Go.

Bedtime
Bedtime and Sleep. Will you get any sleep? Maybe not a full 8 hours, but yes, you will get some sleep. We are gently vigilant about making sure people sleep at gatherings. We have several books to read from, and song books for those who can sing, but please feel free to bring favorite stories along to share.

The time between when FPs request that people get ready for bed, and when they are actually horizontal in their bunks and quiet, can be challenging. It requires patience and calm persistence. MSFs will still have plenty of energy and even an extra amount if they are extra tired. The only way to shift the loud to the quiet and frenetic to calm is by announcing that quiet time has officially begun, that the only thing that’s going to happen in the next 8 or so hours is sleeping and that it’s going to begin with a story. A great story read aloud or from your life is something that can inspire people, lift spirits, offer an important lesson, or fill them with intrigue or laughter.

The MSFs go to their sleeping areas to get ready for bed by 10:00. Right before bedtime is not a good time to be rowdy or running around with the kids. In quieting the children down, it helps tremendously to follow your own rules-don't make any noise yourself, answer questions only with a whisper or a nod, and the hush will usually spread.

We have to be patient with the process:
• set a time limit for changing, brushing teeth, and visiting, before lights out (e.g. 20 minutes)
• Count down the time frequently!
• Get a book and flashlight ready.
• Lights out!
• some time to settle and whisper
• bedtime stories (read by flashlight)
• serenading with a medley of songs
• moving someone to another spot away from a group of hopeless whisperers
• sitting nearby until the final folks fall asleep

Please keep in mind also:
• if you happen to wake up, or need to get up during the night, it’s not a bad idea to take a walk around. Sometimes older Middle Schoolers think it’s a good idea to wander around during the night. It’s not. On the other hand, don’t deprive yourself of sleep on the off chance that someone may get up. We need you somewhat fresh the next day!
• sometimes, the night is when things like homesickness or outside concerns hit hardest for kids, so it is good to be alert to kids who may be dwelling on worries instead of getting to sleep. If someone is having trouble sleeping, feel free to wake up Elizabeth.
• stay peaceful and try to remember how hard it was for us to fall asleep when we were their age, and sleeping over with friends!
• please bring a nice thick sleeping pad with you (we have extras) when we are at Meeting houses for your comfort!

Chapter Three: “In the unlikely event that…”
Health and Safety
FPs will be familiar with all the supplies in the first-aid kit. Keep in mind that, as FPs, your role is similar to that of a parent in keeping activities and interactions safe as well as interesting and challenging.

Injuries and Illness
Have MSFs wash minor injuries. Avoid contact with any blood. If you need to assist a child with an injury, wear latex gloves from the First Aid kit, which will be kept in one spot, probably in or near the registration table. Serious injuries need immediate attention. If you believe the injury may be life-threatening, call or have someone call 911 immediately. Make sure Elizabeth and Josh are notified as soon as possible, as they are responsible for overall handling of the situation. Record any first aid attention in the medical log, located in the First Aid Kit, with the child’s name and the date.

In case of emergencies
If Elizabeth or Josh are not immediately available, you may need to know what to do. As stated above, do not hesitate to call 911 in the case of any life threatening condition. If the situation requires serious first aid attention but does not warrant a trip to the hospital (in your estimation), please attend to it yourself if you can, or send immediately for someone else who can attend to it. Elizabeth or Josh should be notified as soon as possible in any case, and they also both have the proper first aid certification to be able to handle whatever the situation may be.

If someone is going to the hospital, you will need to take their medical form with you in order for them to receive appropriate treatment when they get there. There is a BROWN FILE FOLDER in which the medical forms are kept, which give you a child's medical information, parental permission, and numbers where parents can be reached. The medical forms are in alphabetical order. This file box will be kept in one location throughout the middle school gathering, near the FIRST AID KIT.

Fire
At Burlington, fire extinguishers are located in the kitchen, the dining room and on bunk floors. In case of a fire emergency, keep yourself calm and make sure you and all MSFs exit the area immediately and gather in the rear of the graveyard (at Burlington), well away from smoke and flames. Alert Elizabeth or Josh and call 911. Stay with the group; Elizabeth and Josh will call roll, and anyone (including FPs) who isn’t with the group will be assumed to be inside and in need of rescue. Prevention of fire is the best insurance against an emergency. Candles are not to be burned inside, and please do not bring lighters to the gathering.

Emotional/Psychological Emergencies
If a Middle Schooler is overwhelmed, over-stimulated, crying, or withdrawn, and doesn’t respond to any gentle inquiries as to what is wrong, get Elizabeth or Josh. Even if they do tell you what is wrong, you should tell Elizabeth or Josh anyway, rather than deciding to handle any psychological or emotional emergency alone.

Safety, Potential Hazards, Emergency Procedures
The physical and emotional welfare of MSFs is the responsibility of all FPs. In all gathering activities we should be aware of potential hazards and exercise proper caution. In our leadership role as FPs, we need to help folks recognize real dangers, but we want to avoid creating over-anxiety or fear. It is our responsibility to set limits to activities or behavior that may endanger MSFs or the gathering.

Other Policies
FP/MSF Interaction
We are more or less equally responsible for all the MSFs, though we may interact with some more than others due to gender, interests, etc., and because it’s not possible to get to know 30-40 people in the space of one weekend. Almost certainly there will be some children who will be easier to love and to interact with or who will seek our attention. While these MSFs need attention and affection, there are usually others who may seem difficult or shy who need our attention and affection even more. It is important to recognize this and to make an extra effort to interact with those who are in need and do not ask. Often, it’s easiest to start with the MSFs in your small group. If they are not settling in to the weekend and interacting with a range of other kids, they would probably appreciate that extra effort on your part. It is also extremely important, however, to avoid showing favoritism toward MSFs.

Be prepared to appreciate young people for who they are: caring and selfish, childish and wise, confident and scared, always energetic, and often hilarious. And that’s just one kid in the space of five minutes! Nothing ever goes quite according to plan when there are Middle Schoolers involved, so be prepared to go with the flow, and don’t forget your sense of humor!

Abuse/Inappropriate behavior
To our knowledge, there has never been a case of child abuse at a Middle School Friends event, but it is very important to be careful that our interactions will not be misconstrued in that manner. (See the guidelines below.) If you observe or are otherwise aware of physical or sexual abuse of any kind, or other inappropriate behavior, including sexual harassment (either physical or verbal), report it to Elizabeth or Josh immediately. Any other threatening or potentially dangerous situation must also be reported to Elizabeth or Josh. Do not assume that you can handle the situation alone.

Child Sexual Abuse Prevention
The Religious Education Staff would like to let all Friendly Presences know of certain guidelines intended to prevent sexual abuse and neglect of children and youth at our gatherings. We seek to protect children from harm and teach them that their bodies are gifts of God. We want children and young people to know that that they have the right to establish personal boundaries, to communicate about their boundaries in a world where everyone's may be different, and to express love and affection physically and verbally in ways that are appropriate for their age:
1) When a child or young person is upset, needs a private conversation, or is being reprimanded by a Friendly Presence, they need to know that they have a right to have and should have another person (preferably an adult) present. Or, if an adult is speaking to a child or young Friend, we expect that both will be within sight, or within earshot of other members of the community.
2) All participants at a gathering have a right to set their physical boundaries, to say no to unwelcome touch, and should respect the boundaries of others in the community.
3) We discourage contact between adult or young adult Friendly presences with younger Friends outside the context of gatherings. That is because it is easy for an FP’s words, actions, or intentions to be misunderstood or misconstrued by a younger person, and without a third person present as a witness, the safety of each person is at stake.
4) Adults who express a lot of affection towards young people need to be mindful of how much their own needs are being met by their contact with middle school or high school-aged young people. Adult FPs must be mindful of the power that they have in relation to young people, and be careful to use their power in constructive ways.
5) Adult or young adult Friendly Presences should not take showers in the presence of younger Friends in a communal (no stalls) situation.
6) If a child or Young Friend feels that they have been sexually harassed or abused, or subject to neglect at home, school, or at a gathering, they should be encouraged to bring that issue to Elizabeth or her supervisor (Tom Hoopes), a Friendly Presence with whom they feel comfortable, or to their parent or guardian. Any complaints will be addressed by PYM's Education Standing Committee.
7) PYM staff are mandatory reporters of abuse. If we become aware that a child has been or is being sexually, physically, or emotionally abused or neglected, we must legally report our knowledge to the county in which the child resides. In this case, we will encourage a parent or guardian and child to seek counseling, and we will be able to help you find resources for counseling within and outside the Quaker community.

Tobacco, Alcohol and Illegal Drugs
Possession and/or use of tobacco, alcohol, or illegal drugs on the grounds of any PYM Middle School Friends event is prohibited. Use of the same off PYM or host meeting property during a gathering is strongly discouraged. Inappropriate behavior includes non-discreet use of these substances off gathering property, returning to the gathering under the influence and/or aroma of the same, or discussing such use with MSFs.

Asking an FP to Leave
The MSF coordinator reserves the right to ask any FP(s) to leave for any reason she deems appropriate. This would include, but is not limited to: abuse or suspected abuse of another, inappropriate behavior, or use of prohibited substances on PYM property.

Technology
MSFs should not have any music players (like ipods) or cell phones with them, since these items are on the “do not bring” list. HOWEVER, there has been confusion over this in the past year. In 2004 the precedent had been set that it was ok to listen to music with ear pieces at bedtime in order to aid the process of falling asleep, and what’s more, people have continued to bring their cell phones no matter what we’ve requested. Therefore, our definite policy on these things is on the agenda, to be addressed at the MSF Meeting for Business at the Halloween Gathering. We would like to be able to provide folks with an opportunity during weekend gatherings to connect with other people and projects that don't use technology, so that we can work towards building community – however the middle school community will need to discuss this so as to determine the actual policy. In the mean time, the use of music players with ear pieces in order to fall asleep is fine, provided that it does not bother anyone else. No one should have a telephone out – if they do, it is expected that you would keep it for them until the end of the day. This also goes for music players, unless it is bedtime.

Host sites
When the gathering is not at the Burlington Conference Center, we are in a space through the generosity of a host Meeting. There may be specific rules and regulations, as well as challenges, that come with this space. Folks should be made aware of regulations, but also reminded to be respectful of the space; gratitude should be encouraged.

Chapter Four: All the other little bits and pieces
Arrival on Friday
First impressions are memorable. When MSFs arrive with their parents, you must be eager to greet them. When new cars pull in, welcome them as they come in the door, introduce yourself, and help them carry gear to the bunkrooms (or to the designated spot in a host Meeting). Let them and their parents know to check in at the registration table.

At the bunkrooms, show people where to store their belongings once they've picked out a bed. Encourage them, after they’ve registered, to start a project, play a game, or help to welcome new people.

Departure on Sunday
We want to send the kids out with all their belongings. It is important to help people to hurry up, pack their stuff, and get it out on the front porch before they come down to breakfast. Be sure that no one blocks the door to the building or the wheelchair ramp. Everyone’s collections of belongings should be separated enough that adjacent piles are not picked up by accident. Remind them to check under bunks, on clotheslines, and in the bathroom for anything that is theirs. Ask if they got their art projects/poems. FPs should be sure to make a final building check for stuff before MSFs leave. Any organization and clean-up that can be done before the gathering closing will make the last day more fun!!

FAQs:

Do you have to pay to come?
No! You are giving us the greatest gifts: time, energy and care.

Are there comforts (like coffee)?
Many FPs like to have coffee in the morning and beyond. A kind former MSF committee member has donated a coffee pot. If there is anything else that you need to be comfortable, such as particular kinds of food, either provide them for yourself or bring your needs to the attention of the program leader. A bottle of water or two to keep hydrated is a good idea. Some FPs also think that it is wise to have a small supply of their favorite analgesic, just in case of headache.
P.S. Remember not to share the coffee with the MSFs.

How will I wake up on time?
You may want to bring a small travel alarm clock. Many people use the alarm function of their cell phone, which is fine - but be careful to do this in a subtle way, until the guideline about cell phones is discussed and confirmed.

What else will I need?
Flashlights for reading stories and spare batteries for the flashlights come in handy. Always have your sense of humor!

What if I have an idea for future gatherings, or a concern?
You can bring these to Elizabeth’s attention, preferably after the gathering, once your idea or concern has had a chance to season. You can also bring your ideas or concerns to the attention of the Middle School Friends Working Group, which is a committee that supports this program. These ideas or concerns can be sent to Elizabeth (contact details below), who can bring them up at the Working Group meeting.

I had a wonderful time at the Gathering! How can I stay involved in the Middle School Friends program?
Many FPs have had the same reaction, and have been known to become Working Group members. If this is a way of working with the program that interests you, please let Elizabeth know.

If you have any questions that are not answered here, do not hesitate to call Elizabeth Walmsley at (215) 241-7171 or 1-800-2200-PYM, ext. 7171, email her at elizabethw@pym.org, or ask her at the start of the conference.

SAMPLE MIDDLE SCHOOL FRIENDS GATHERING SCHEDULE

Friday
6-7 FP orientation
7 arrive
7:30 start:
names, Big Wind Blows, How do you like your neighbor, explain the clothespin game, introduction to theme.
guidelines and nurturing committee.
opening theme exercise - leaves on floor.

9:00 small groups point out nurturing committee in each group
9:45 snack and bed. sign up topics for safety forum and street smarts forum
Nurturing committee meeting
FP meeting in theater after bed

Saturday

7:00 breakfast crew gets up - Group 4
7:30 breakfast crew to be in kitchen and everyone else gets up
8:00 breakfast
8:30 brekkie clean up Group 6
dining room clean up Group 1
9-9:30 morning worship exercises. sing. introduce the day's topics

9:30 - 11:30 - 2 groups, 1 hour each:
Kate Murray

other group with Elizabeth - safety concerns: open forum for discussion. topics include instant messaging, the "choking game", street smarts and responding peacefully in a violent world, and other topics added to the list on the Friday night

11:30 free time/lunch prep Group 3
12 lunch
12:30 clean up Group 5, Dining room clean up Group 2
12:30-2 free time sing. nurturing committee meeting

2-3:30 and 3:30-5
2 groups - 1 1/2 hours each to do:
a) Pauline - workshop: "Choices: Make them your own"

b) Chris Mahoney - substance abuse presenter - talking about peer pressure specifically re: drugs, alcohol, cigarettes.

5 dinner prep Group 4 /free time
5:30 dinner
6 clean up Group 1 Dining room clean up Group 6/get ready to go (bring extra socks, helmets, coat/whatever)
6:30 GET ON THE BUS!! and go ice skating.
7:15-9:15 at the rink.
9:30 get back on bus and come home.
snack and bed
FP meeting in theater after bed

Sunday
7:00 breakfast crew gets up - Group 3
7:30 breakfast crew to be in kitchen and everyone else gets up
8:00 breakfast
8:30 brekkie clean up Group 5
dining room clean up Group 2
3rd floor: Group 1
2nd floor: Group 6
Ockanickon and games room: Group 4
theater, fishbowl area and meeting house: Group 3

9-10 small group time

10-11 meeting for business, preparation for Meeting for Worship

11:15-12 Meeting for worship, starting with some worship exercises

12:15 GO HOME!!!

For more information please call Elizabeth Walmsley at 215-241-7171 or write 1515 Cherry St. Philadelphia 19102 or e-mail Elizabethw@pym.org .