Listening to One Another—A Workshop Design by Therese Miller, Lewisburg Meeting

This discussion workshop is designed for about 6 people, over two hours. If there are more participants, to be effective, more time needs be scheduled.

WELCOME AND ORIENTATION—5 minutes

Purposes:

To welcome participants into the conversation.

To remind participants about the purpose and spirit of the dialogue.

To say something about roles, schedule, etc., so people know what to expect.

Welcome and restatement of purpose

· Welcome. I'm glad that you decided to participate in this dialogue.

· It's likely that each of us has been affected differently by the attacks of September 11 and what has been happening since then.

· I hope this will be a time when you'll feel fully welcome to speak about your experiences and your views and when you can commit to listening to each other with resilience even when what you hear upsets you.

· By taking in different views, we may leave with richer and wider perspectives.

· At least we will understand each other better.

Schedule and ending time

· Let me tell you a little bit about the flow of the dialogue

· We'll begin by making some agreements-that is, we'll agree on some communication guidelines for our time together.

· Then we'll have a quick go-round in which you can say something about what you hope for.

· Next we'll have two go-rounds in which you can respond to two questions that I will pose.

· Following the go-rounds, we'll have a bit of time for less structured conversation in which you can explore connections among your experiences and perspectives.

· Those connections might take the form of one person asking another person a question. Or they might take the form of simply noting similarities and differences and exploring them a bit further.

· Finally, we'll take time at the end for each of you to say some parting words. We'll aim to end by 8:00. Can everyone stay until then?"

If people have to leave early, determine how they will leave (e.g., by saying a few parting words or by just getting up to leave quietly) and how you will get their feedback.

Pens and paper

· I have made pens and paper available so that you can jot down notes.

· The pads can help you to listen by giving you a place to hang on to the thoughts that come to you as others are speaking so you can readily return your full attention to listening.

My role

· In my role as facilitator, I will guide us through the dialogue and ensure that whatever agreements we make with each other are either followed or renegotiated.

· If I've asked you to speak no more than three minutes and you've gone over that time, I'll signal you.

· That simply means that I'd like you to complete your thought, not that you need to stop mid-sentence

· If I participate in the content of the dialogue, I would like you to intervene if I don't follow the agreements. Knowing that you will do that will help me feel freer to participate.

· Finally, if at any point you have concerns about how things are going, please let me know and we'll work together to figure out how to address those concerns. Can I count on that?

AGREEMENTS—5 minutes

Purpose:

To craft a set of communication agreements that everyone understands and agrees to that will serve the purposes of the dialogue.

· Now let's make some agreements about how we will communicate.

· Your handout lists some guidelines that others have used to create an environment where people can speak openly and listen fully.

· Please take a moment to read them and then I'll check in with you to see if you'd like to adopt them as is, or revise them for our group.

PROPOSED AGREEMENTS

Regarding the spirit of our speaking and listening,

1. We will speak for ourselves and from our own experience.

2. We will not criticize the views of other participants or attempt to persuade them.

3. We will listen with resilience, "hanging in" when what is said is hard to hear.

Regarding the form of our speaking and listening,

1. We will participate within the time frames suggested by the facilitator.

2. We will not interrupt except to indicate that we cannot hear a speaker.

3. We will "pass" if we do not wish to speak.

After reading the guidelines, you can say something like

· Are there any questions about what any of these guidelines mean?

· Would you like to suggest any revisions or additions?"

If suggestions are made and agreed to by all, write them on any posted list.

· So is each of you prepared to follow these guidelines as best you can, and allow me to remind you if you forget?"

Look for verbal and non-verbal responses.

· OK, these will serve as our agreements.

· If at any point you feel that these agreements are not serving our purposes adequately, speak up and we'll see if it makes sense to revise them.

HOPES AND SILENT REFLECTION—10 minutes

Purpose:

To create a shared sense of participants' hopes for the dialogue, what they bring to it and/or what they hope to experience during it.

· Let's start by going around and saying

? What could happen in this conversation that would lead you to feel glad that you decided to participate.

· Please say just a few sentences - not more than a minute or so. I'll start, then we'll go around.

(As the first speaker, you can model brevity with a two-sentence response.)

· Let's take a few minutes of silence to center ourselves and gather our thoughts. After a few moments I'll read a short passage to help us focus on the questions that we hold inside of us. Then after another moment of silence, we'll begin our dialogue.

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

- Rilke

FIRST QUESTION—20 minutes (Time for each response: 3 minutes)

Purpose:

To invite participants to connect their response to the current situation with their own personal experience.

· Now, I'd like to invite you to take 2-3 minutes to respond to the following set of questions:

? What thoughts and feelings are you sitting with as you reflect back on September 11 and all that has happened since? Is there something you'd be willing to share about yourself or your life experiences that may relate to the ways you have responded to the current situation in the world?

· First, a moment of silence to collect our thoughts.

After pause, repeat the questions.

? What thoughts and feelings are you sitting with as you reflect back on September 11 and all that has happened since? Is there something you'd be willing to share about yourself or your life experiences that may relate to the ways you have responded to the current situation in the world?

· Anyone can start when they are ready. Then we'll go around. If we come to you before you are ready, you can pass and I'll check in with you later to see if you'd like to speak.

SECOND QUESTION—20 minutes (Time for each response: 3 minutes)

Purposes:

To encourage participants to

reflect on aspects of their own views that they may not express as readily as their usual views; and

reveal fresh information about complex thinking that may be fodder for connections across different views and new perspectives.

· Again, I'd like to pose a question and give each of you 2-3 minutes to respond.

? What strengths or values do you find yourself drawing on to keep you going through this time?

· First, a moment of silence to collect our thoughts.

After a pause, repeat the questions.

? What strengths or values do you find yourself drawing on to keep you going through this time?

· We'll start with whoever is ready, then we'll go around. If your turn comes before you are ready, you can pass and I'll check in with you later to see if you'd like to speak.

Note: If participants spoke about their current views in the first g- round we suggest that you choose one of the first two options. If they spoke about their uncertainties in the first go-round, you can invite them to say more about their views, their worries or their hopes related to the situation in the world in this go-round.

OPEN DIALOGUE—20 minutes

Purpose

To allow participants to have a more interactive discussion that makes connections among others' thoughts and feelings and their own.

Tone-setting comments

· We are now at the point in our time together when you can talk more freely.

· As we move into this less structured time, it's important to remember why we are here: not to debate or persuade but to speak with sincerity to listen with open heartedness and resilience, to reflect on our own views, and to seek understanding of other views.

· This is a time to make connections between what is on your mind and something others have said.

· You can identify and pursue a theme, explore similarities and dissimilarities, ask questions, or comment on how what you've heard has been enriching or, perhaps, unsettling.

CONTRIBUTING TO A CONNECTED CONVERSATION

Note a point of learning

Have you heard something that stirred fresh thoughts or feelings?

Pick up and weave a thread

Has an interesting theme or idea emerged that you'd like to add to?

Ask a question

Is there something someone said that you'd like to understand better? If you ask a question, be sure it reflects genuine curiosity and is not a challenge in disguise.

PARTING WORDS—15 minutes

Purposes

To encourage reflection about what participants learned or valued.

To invite participants to say something that will bring their participation to a meaningful close

· Our time here is coming to an end.

· Are there any parting words that you'd like to say to bring your participation to a close?

· You may want to simply comment on what the experience has been like for you.

· Or you may want to share an idea, feeling, or promising question that you are taking with you.

After hearing from all who wish to speak, as facilitator, you

thank participants, and elicit feedback.